5 secrets on how to be happy

We are in an age of technology. Technology has shrunk the globe into a village. We are in a global village. I would want to see it as a Global Family. This is my dream, to see the world as a One World Family.

It is so fortunate that this world has so many diverse cultures, traditions, languages and religions. Do you know what intelligent people do? They always celebrate the differences and the diversity. And the foolish fight and create wars.

Isn’t it? What we want to do in the world is to educate people. The reason why people are so ignorant and stupid is because they have had no opportunity to expand their vision. The goal of The Art of Living is to provide such a broad vision to life; to turn every tear into a smile, anger into compassion, and hatred into unconditional love.
Let us all join hands to see such a world – a world free from violence, disease, sadness and poverty!

In anger we say, ‘I give up’.
Without frustration or anger,
say, ‘I give this problem up,
I cannot solve it, let the
Divine help me’, and know
that you will always be
helped. Have the confidence
that you will be helped.

First, we need to dream big. When I was in school, when I was a boy – even now I am a child only – I used to tell all my friends that my family is all over the globe. They would come to my mother and ask if we had a family in London, in Germany, in France, in America, and my mother would reply, ‘No’. She would pull my ear and ask, ‘Why do you tell lies?’
My mother would say, ‘He never tells lies, but this is the one thing he keeps saying, that he has relatives and family all over the world and that he knows people from all over the world.’
I used to tell my friends, ‘What do you want? Stamps or coins or currencies? I will send it to you, don’t worry. I have everybody all over the world.’
Why I said this is that deep inside all of us, there is a spirit that connects everyone.

Every human being is born with joy, enthusiasm, love and wisdom. But as we grow up, somewhere we tend to lose it. We should not lose it. We should maintain this gift that we all have received.
Okay, if we have lost it, we should regain it. And how do you regain it? By broadening your vision, and creating a sense of belongingness with everyone around you.

This is my second visit to Bulgaria. I already see a lot of changes here. Infrastructure is coming up, the economy has become better than before; it could be even better. At the same time, I would say that you have your deep roots, thousands of years of culture and tradition. Don’t lose that. The youth should maintain their roots and broaden their vision. So, that is the reason we said that we are going to put together a big bagpipers performance today. The purpose of this is to encourage the old traditions and the culture.

I would also like to mention that some of the Bulgarian singers and dancers also visited India and we had their performances in India as well.

So, we need to bring people together. This is wisdom. A violence-free society, disease-free body, confusion-free mind, inhibition-free intellect, sorrow-free soul, trauma-free memory and a stress-free life is the birth right of everybody. This is what The Art of Living and all its volunteers are working towards. I am so happy and I congratulate them, there are hundreds of volunteers here who are tirelessly working day and night to bring smiles on the faces of people.

So, I will give you just 5 points or 5 secrets on how to be happy.
Once a wise man drew a line and told his student to make the line shorter without touching or erasing it. How would you do it?
You have to shorten a line without touching it.
An intelligent student then drew a much longer line underneath that line. So, the line automatically became shorter. The lesson here is that if your difficulties appear to be very big, lift your eyes because you are only focused on yourself. If you lift your eyes up and look at those who are in a worse condition than you, you will suddenly feel that your burden is not as bad as you thought it was.
If you think you have some big problem, look at people who have greater problems. Suddenly, you will get the confidence that my problem is much smaller, and I can manage it.
So, the first point on how to be happy is to see the world where there are greater and bigger problems. Then, your problems will appear smaller. The moment your problems appear smaller, you will get the energy and confidence to deal with it or solve it. In simple words, serve those who are in greater need.

Second, look at your own life. In the past, you had many problems. They have all come and gone. Know that even this will go and you have the energy and power to overcome it. You will get self-confidence by understanding and looking at your own past.

Third, and most important, do some breathing exercise and relaxation.

Fourth, you know, in anger we say, ‘I give up’. Without frustration or anger, say, ‘I give this problem up, I cannot solve it, let the Divine help me’, and know that you will always be helped. Have the confidence that you will be helped; a power in the universe is going to help you.

The fifth one – what do you think is the fifth one? I leave it to you. You think about the fifth one. I can go on up to 25 or 30 points, but I would like you to come up with it. We are always looking for solutions from someone else. We forget that if we turn our mind inward, we can get some ideas, some solutions. This is the fifth one – Spontaneity! Be spontaneous. Spontaneity will come when you take a few minutes to go deep within yourself. There is nothing great in smiling when everything is normal, and when everything is going the way you want. But if you awaken the valor inside of you, and say, ‘Come what may, I am going to keep smiling’, you will notice tremendous energy just rises from within you. And the problems are like nothing; they just come and disappear.

I would also like to mention that our volunteers have done such good work in all the prisons in Bulgaria. After doing the course, the whole lives of hundreds and hundreds of people who are in prisons have changed. That is so nice!
This is what intelligence is. Intelligence is bringing out the good even from within one who is a criminal. Within the worst criminal there is something nice inside; there are some good qualities. We need to bring those out. That needs intelligence. To condemn somebody does not need much intelligence, but bringing out compassion from those who have been condemned needs some work; and I really congratulate all our volunteers and teachers who have, without any selfish motives, gone to the prisons with just one wish – to bring back human values in their lives.

The foolish people try to paint everybody as demons and ‘bad’, even for pious persons. People say everybody is bad. The whole world is bad. That is so unfortunate; it is not good company. Last week, when I was in Canada, a couple came to me; they were all in tears. Their teenage son had committed suicide. In the suicide note, he had written that the whole world is bad; it is not worth living. Good people have got no place on this planet. All evil and bad people have taken the reins.

How much pain that youth must have experienced, because everyone tells you how everyone else is so bad. That is not good company. Even inside a bad person, there is a good person hiding that has to come up. When the goodness comes up, the negativity automatically disappears.

Intelligence is bringing out the
good even from within one who
is a criminal. Within the worst
criminal there are some good
qualities. The foolish people try
to paint everybody as bad.

Q: What do we do when we don’t enjoy our work anymore?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You should work for making a living. But for joy, you should do some service. Engage yourself in any social service. You will find that it brings you contentment and happiness. I knew this question was coming, so I said that there is joy in giving. Find the joy in giving rather than taking.

Q: How do we maintain a good relationship with our children in today’s fast times?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: We have designed a course for that. It is called KYC – Know Your Child and KYT – Know Your Teen. It is just for two hours per day, for two days. You will get many beautiful ideas in this course. It has become so popular all over because it is very effective.
Our relationship with our children changes and the way they respond to you also changes.

Faith comes to play only at time of crisis

May 07, 2012
Montreal, Canada

This whole creation is made up of one energy. Everything is made up of just one thing.

Whenever anything bothers you, if you come back to this one principle - there is only one energy which everything is made up of, so there are a lot of possibilities; that brings great relief. Are you getting what I’m saying?

There are three types of intellect.

One is an intellect which is dormant or doesn’t function at all; sleepy, in slumber and only into negativity. This is Tamasic Intellect.

Then is Rajasic Intellect. Most people have a rajasic intellect. Everyone functions with a rajasic intellect.

Rajasic intellect means seeing everything as different – This person is different, that person is different, this person behaves that way, that lady behaves this way; dwelling on these differences. Thinking there are so many people, so many personalities, and seeing that as reality. Doing this sometimes you go very high and sometimes you go down. This is rajasic intellect.

Then there is Sattvic Intellect, which is the goal of evolution.

Sattvic intellect sees there is only one thing that is underlying all other differences. That is the reality.

There is one underlying truth. That one thing has come up in so many forms.

Let me give you an example. Have you seen a puppet show?

A rajasic intellect is seeing all the puppets as different characters. A sattvic intellect says, 'There is only one person who is making all these dolls dance.' Actually it is a Mono Act.

One person who is behind the curtain, is making with his ten fingers all these different stories happen on the screen and is making them dance.

Have you seen those puppet shows? They tie one thread to each of the ten fingers and they make all the puppets run around.

So a sattvic intellect is seeing that there is one thing, one truth, one reality, one consciousness that is underneath the whole creation. When this truth is well lodged in the mind though you see the differences, dwell in differences, you will be unshaken.

A house that has a very good foundation does not collapse in an earthquake. It has a shock absorber. A real shock absorber is deep inside knowing that all this is made up of one consciousness.

All of matter is one consciousness. I am that one consciousness and everything is that one consciousness. One who knows this is free. It is called freedom. ‘I’m so free. Nothing bothers me.’

Look at those who have more problems than you and you will find your problem is nothing.

The world is all problems. Who does not have problems? That is why I say, don’t look for any perfection here, this world is imperfect. Whatever perfection you can bring in the world, bring it, and then wash your hands and enjoy yourself.

You know in 30 years of The Art of Living we didn’t have any big controversies. We were much respected, a very smooth organization throughout the world. Recently a controversy happened and all the media and all the top politicians, everybody commented on my one statement.

So some of our teachers and volunteers, they were all so nervous. ‘Why did this happen. Oh my god, this is negative publicity’, and this and that.

I said, ‘Let it be.’

I had given a statement that the government should not run schools. If you see, no violent students come out of schools that are run by NGOs, or missionaries, or spiritual organizations. Violence is learnt only in the government schools. See none of the Ministers of the government send their children to government schools. They all send their children to private schools. So when I said this, it was like a bombshell.

I said it in a meeting where I had gone for the Silver Jubilee Celebrations of that institute, some particular organization.

So immediately our ABC (Art of Living Bureau of Communication) department called me, at 10’oclock at night and said, ‘Guruji this channel is asking us about this, what we should say?’

I said, ‘Let there be controversy, don’t worry. Don’t give any answer and don’t say anything.’

See, because of this controversy what happened? There was debate on national television on many channels – Was Sri Sri fair to Government Schools? He should not have made this comment, he should apologize; and this and that.

Many people were watching, some for and some against.

And they invited our people as well. Our teachers went and they sat and they spoke about all the work that we have done. The nation came to know of all the good work we have done, otherwise there was no chance.

That we run 185 free schools, all this could be aired on television. So what appeared to be a negative thing for a day or two, turned out to be in our favor.

Why I am saying this is because on the surface things look different but underneath they are different. So don’t be perplexed. Don’t be shaken. With calmness and serenity, know that everything is made up of one thing, and that one thing is what I am, and what everything is.

If this knowledge it is extremely difficult to catch now, I tell you, it is not impossible. No doubt, when you sit in satsang, yes, it appeals to you, it strikes a chord, but then you go out there into the kitchen and it is all changed. You go back home and even worse. ‘What is this everything is one? I am in trouble now. That person does not listen to me. And this other person is complaining about me’, and blah, blah, blah. But it is not impossible.

The sattvic intelligence, sattvic intellect, when it dawns, that is called Sattva Shudhi. When the pure intellect dawns in you, it brings enormous freedom from inside; freedom from physical garbage, freedom from emotional garbage and freedom from conceptual garbage.

We create so much garbage in our head. We assume people’s nature to be like this or like that when it may not be so. And we assume people to act or react in a particular way. Why should that be so?

Life has many surprises for you. Sometimes you think someone is a very good friend of yours, and suddenly you turn around and see that very friend is creating a lot of trouble to you. How many of you have had this experience? (Many raise their hands)

(Sri Sri responds laughing) Look at this.

Because it is one consciousness which turns the whole wheel, turns the whole universe.

One who experiences this in the heart and feels it in oneself, says, ‘Aah! Freedom! Now I don’t have to sit and think about this person, and that guy, and that lady, and that person.’

All of this occupies your head. That does not have to happen. Everything is one consciousness. Everybody is part of the finger of one little doll, jumping up and down, acting this way and that way, and their karma make them all act.

Doesn’t this knowledge bring freedom? Enormous freedom!

So what type of freedom does it bring? It brings freedom from the cravings, it brings freedom from aversions. When you know this, on the physical level all the cravings for alcohol, drugs, and all these sorts of unhealthy bondages we have created in our own mind will just drop out.

Then emotional garbage – That person looked at me and that person did not look at me. I love her and she did not respond to me. Before, they were loving towards me but now what happened to all of them – all these things will not happen. This emotional garbage that we harbor in our head, trying to prove our love and asking for proof for someone else’s love, all this will drop off.

Then conceptual garbage. Huge volumes are written; so many books are written, all on concepts. It is like a person who has never seen an elephant is writing volumes about an elephant.

Just imagine, there was not even television, one has only seen a picture of an elephant, a hand drawn sketch and they are writing a thesis on elephants, its behavior and how it should be handled. This is exactly the situation. People who have the least understanding about consciousness are writing books and books and volumes, and they become bestsellers also! This is the funniest part of it.

So you get that freedom from conceptual garbage – Listening to this person, that person and that person, no! Everything is made up of one thing.

Isn’t that beautiful? Very nice!

Q: Dear Guruji, you have said that past and future happen in the present moment. That time is not linear as we think. I have been contemplating on this and I am a bit confused. Can you please expand on this?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Only a bit confused? You should be thoroughly confused. (Laughter) That is my job – to thoroughly confuse you.

Future plans are now in the present, right. They are in this moment only. Past worries are in this moment only. Only this moment exists. The entire past, the entire future, all exist in this moment only.

Who said you are weak? You are the sun, how can you be weak? Come on, wake up!
Don’t label yourself as weak. It is like a lion putting a sticker on its head saying, 'I am a lamb', nobody will believe that. However your past is, just kick that and be in the present moment and move on.

Q: What did you mean when you said in Ashtavakra Gita that it takes 84 lifetimes for the mind to form?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: That is correct, 84 different lifetimes.

Yes, there are so many bodies, out of that you have crossed many of them and arrived here, now. It could also be the 84th one only.

Q: Why do some people seek God realization and others don’t care about it?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Why do Maple trees grow only here and not in Florida?

Q: Why is there so much poverty in the world?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: So that you can feel for it and do something about it. If there are no opposites, you cannot even know them.

Because there is sickness there is value for health. Because there is poverty, wealth has some value. Right? Opposite values co-exist and they are complimentary. I’m not advocating poverty here, don’t misquote me.

Q: My husband fears that if I do not accept Christ as my savior I will not be in heaven with him. His Catholicism is strong. I wonder if we will ever be in the same heaven.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: For your sake don’t argue with him and create hell here now. Tell him, ‘Yes absolutely, I’m making a short-cut to go to the same heaven. That is all. And Jesus asked me to do all this and I’m doing exactly what he has said.’ Tell him this.

Q: Dear Guruji, the girl I like runs away from me. What to do?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: There must be something seriously wrong with the way you are expressing your love to her. Your love is so intense and you must be expressing it so hard.

You see, if you are standing under a shower and the jet is too strong, definitely people will have to move away from there. Do you see that?

Just imagine, you are standing under a shower and the shower is so strong that it is like hitting and pulling all your hair out. You wouldn’t like to stand under that shower, it is so painful.

So, see that you express your love softly, gently and not too much. Sometimes too much expression of love can be stifling. And that is perhaps what is happening.

It is good that you are in the silence program. In silence just re-evaluate.

Q: Why do we rest after meditation? Meditation itself is rest.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Yes, sometimes if there are some incomplete experiences or stress release your body may want to lie down and experience some rest. See with every meditation there is such a transformation that is happening inside. There are some changes that are happening, and it is good to have a little rest if the body needs rest.

It is not a compulsory, not that everybody must lie down and rest. But if the body requires it, then you rest. That is why we have always said, ‘If you feel like resting you may lie down and rest.’ Every instruction is measured and given properly. Otherwise we would have said, ‘Everyone lie down and rest.’

It is not an order, it is if you feel like resting you may just stretch and lie down and rest, and it does good. It is good for circulation and it brings more relaxation.

Q: What question do you wish people would ask more often?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: ‘Should I even ask this question to Guruji?’ That would be a good question to ask.

Q: Guruji, what to do if it is the tendency of my mind to step into negativity? It is a pattern for me. I want to be free and more positive. I am very weak at the moment.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Who said you are weak? You are the sun, how can you be weak? Come on, wake up! Don’t label yourself as weak.

It is like a lion putting a sticker on its head saying I am a lamb, nobody will believe that. A lion goes around saying, ‘I am a lamb, I am a sheep.’ This is what you are doing.

Come on! Throw your label out. Never ever say that you are weak. However your past is, just kick that and be in the present moment and move on. Never mind if you fall ten times or a 100 times; I don’t mind, but keep walking. Get up and run, if you fall never mind, get up and run again. This is what a saadhak is; this is what a seeker is.

See, as a child how many times you have fallen before you could stand up on your legs. You were crawling and crawling and trying to get up and you fell so many times, but finally you started walking. That is it, same thing. But never say, ‘I have fallen ten times, I can never stand up. I am going to walk like a cat with two legs and two hands. I can never stand up.’ It does not make sense. You are a bird, you may fall, but you have wings. Wake up and continue to fly.

Being here for a week and feeling a connection with spirituality, and a master and the tradition and saying, ‘I am weak’, is not acceptable at all, it is an ignorant statement.

Q: What is the purpose of marriage?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You are asking the wrong person. Ask those who are married, ask them this question.

I would say, it is an important institution. And if you want to have children, then definitely you should get married and have children and give them a good education right from the beginning.

And marriage is an institution where you melt and tell your partner, ‘All my desires I give it to you and I take all your desires from you.’ You exchange all your desires, so each one has the responsibility to fulfill the others desires and not their own. A devotee gives his desires to God. ‘These are my desires. It is not my job, you fulfill this. I am free. I give away my desires to you.’ When you give away your desires, it does not bother you. In the same way, in a marriage, a husband says, ‘All my desires I give to you and I am free from desire. I will only do what you want.’ And the wife says the same thing, ‘My desires I have given away to you. I will only do what you want.’

So, each of them gets committed to doing what other wants. It is a sacrifice of your own will and desire with the faith that the other cares for you.

There is a very small story about two Japanese travelers in a boat. A newlywed couple was in a boat. They were going for their honeymoon and then suddenly the boat was rocking and there was big storm. So the lady got perturbed but the man was very calm and just smiling as usual. The lady asked him, ‘I am so nervous and so afraid that this boat may capsize but you are so calm. You are not bothered we may drown and die.’

Suddenly, he took out his dagger and put it on her neck, but then she started laughing and said, ‘Is this the time to play? Come on, think about our future. This is not the time to tease.’

He said, ‘Why are you not scared? I am putting a dagger to your neck. I am going to kill you.’

She laughed, ‘When the dagger is in your hand why should I be worried? I know you won’t do any harm to me.’

He said, ‘I have the same relation with nature and with God. When my life is in his hands, he won’t let me die in a storm like this. He won’t let me down. I am not afraid because the strings of my life are in his hands. So why should I worry?’

That very moment she also turned very spiritual, and as the story goes the sea calmed down immediately. The sea calmed and both of them became prayerful.

Faith comes to play only at time of crisis, and the funniest thing is, at the time of crisis the first thing one loses is faith. When it is most needed that is when people lose faith. That is why even faith is a gift. It is not your making.

Nobody can say, ‘I believe so much, but why did this happen to me now?’

What big thing you did? The faith was given to you. It is like you were given a boat and you were given an oar also. Boat is given to you and the oar is also given to you. So even faith is not something you cultivated, but it was most needed at those times of crisis. Even that is a gift. It is a very, very, very important thing to notice.

So now comes, ‘Then what?’ Then nothing!

‘How do I increase my faith?’ Nothing, relax. You can’t do anything. All that I am saying is to take away the doership from you. Again you ask, ‘How do I drop my doership?’

This is the silliest question people ask, ‘How do I drop the doership?’ You are not the doer my dear, I am telling you.

First of all, there should be doership for you to drop it. You are not even the doer, yes! So there is no way, none whatsoever, all roads are blocked and everything done. There is nothing you can do about anything, got it?

This brings enormous freedom, ‘I can’t do anything about anything.’ Now don’t ask me, ‘What can I do when I can’t do anything about anything?’ (Sri Sri laughs)

Faith comes to play only at time of crisis, and the funniest thing is, at the time of crisis the first thing one loses is faith.

When it is most needed that is when people lose faith. That is why even faith is a gift.

Q: Is the spiritual path unique for each individual? If so, how do we get personal guidance from you?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Yes, we are teaching individually, at the same time altogether. There are seven billion people and we are very few teachers, so we will teach everybody.

In the 7 billion, there are only 0.00000000000001 percent people, maybe, and you are one amongst them.

Q: Guruji, I am going through a tough phase in my life and I am facing problems one after another. I try to solve it spiritually, practically, astrologically but nothing seems to work. I do regular sadhana, what should I do?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: But still life is going on. Just turn back and see, if you would have not solved any of the problems then how are you existing? My dear, you should just look back and see factually, ask someone else to evaluate. In the last 10 years, you had only problems? Okay, if you have had problems, haven’t you solved even a single problem in the last 10 to 15 years?

Then there is no need to solve problems because anyways the problems that came have all gone, and you are still alive, and you are still doing sadhana. That is great thing. That means the problems could not do anything to you. They came and they left, you didn’t even have to find a solution to them. Do you see what I’m saying?

Don’t generalize it again or don’t label it, ‘My life is a failure, I am always having problems.’

Always having problems? Not possible!

Look at those who have greater problems, look at the problems I have. Do you know how many questions I have to answer per day? Somebody said, ‘Guruji, if you had charged even $10 per question you could have become bigger than Bill Gates.’ I would not disagree with that person, perhaps yes.

Do you know how many emails I get? 101,000 emails.

Last month I traveled to so many countries; 12 countries and 18 cities in 1 month. 19 hours a day I am busy. I just arrive from a long trip, immediately there will be 100 questions I will have to answer.

Accept people as they are, and there are many, bipolar, schizophrenic, and all those other types of specimens as well. Have you ever seen me getting annoyed at any one of them, ever?

Just imagine, in this situation to remain sane is a big problem. I heard psychiatrists in their profession end up as patients after a while, because they keep listening to the problem of people.

Michael Fischman was once conducting a course for doctors and their patients and he said, ‘Guruji, you know it was very difficult to say who the doctor is and who the patient is.’ The group was such.

I don’t know how far this is true, but I have heard from several people that often people who are doctors in this field they end up as patients.

There was a survey recently done in AIIMS (All India Institute of Medical Sciences), they said that 78% of doctors are sick, they become patients themselves. This is a survey report, astonishing, isn’t it?

So, look at those who have more problems than you and you will find your problem is nothing. The world is all problems. Who does not have problems? Jesus had big problems here. The whole Catholicism movement sprung from the problems of Jesus, not by his teachings. It is all focused on suffering, isn’t it? Teaching is there of course, but suffering is the main thing. Nativity is not the symbol of Christianity, it is the cross; crucifixion.

Same with Krishna, he also had so many problems till the end. Finally he had to give up. He said to all his very dear ones, ‘You all go up North. This city of mine is going to drown.’ His own clans were fighting with each other and became so arrogant. Krishna’s clan, all his soldiers and all the subjects of his kingdom, they were all so arrogant because they thought they owned Lord Krishna, he is an enlightened being. ‘The lord himself is ours and we are from his family. Who can do anything to us?’ They went with such arrogance and they fought with each other, destroyed everybody and got destroyed. That is why I say don’t look for any perfection here, this world is imperfect. Whatever perfection you can bring in the world, bring it, and then wash your hands and enjoy yourself. Definitely do whatever you can. That doesn’t mean you leave some things imperfect, no! You are here to bring whatever perfection level you can, and that much merit you gain. As much as you walk, that many skills will blossom in your own life and that much happier you will be. So if you don’t do anything you will be unhappy. So do things which you are supposed to do and you become free.

The right thing will come at the right time

July 01, 2012

Boone, North Carolina

Q: What to do with unfulfilled desires? The lifelong desire of prosperity in relationships goes unfulfilled. As time passes I feel frustrated, regretful, and my energy sapped. How do I manifest these desires and let them go?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You say it is a lifelong desire. Is it really a lifelong desire? Did you have the same desire when you were a kid, or when you were a teenager?

Just take a look at it. Is the desire worth all the effort and time you are putting into it? Or can your life be very useful in some other way? These are a few things that you need to ponder upon. As your energy builds up, let go and you will find that desires just happen. The more you hang onto them, the more you hold on and crave for it, the longer it takes. That is a fact.

We are both, a combination of dependency and independence – body and spirit. While the spirit is independent the body is always dependent. Instead of focusing on the relative and changing aspect of life which is always dependent, put a little more focus on that aspect inside you which is independent, which is eternal and which is the same throughout.

Q: Dear Guruji, I know that you love me, but I don't love myself. I wish I was more comfortable within myself and with others around me. What to do?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You are doing the right thing; Advanced Meditation Course. That is the first thing we do in the course, praise yourself and praise your partner. Didn’t you do that? Do that sincerely. Don't think that this is just another exercise and they are just asking me to praise, no! Do it seriously. Some of these exercises may appear silly to you on some level, but on another level they really have some impact on our consciousness and our subconscious mind.

Stop blaming yourself - this is the first law of spirituality. The more you blame, the more you will be away from you own spirit. So you should stop blaming yourself and recognize the good qualities that you have. Continue doing this and it will happen.

Sometimes these patterns, these old habits take a longer time to ease out. As you become aware, ‘I have to stop blaming myself’, then suddenly your energy goes up. And do pranayama, it definitely helps. When energy is higher, there is no way that you will continue to blame yourself, that is not possible.

Q: How do I get rid of my fear? I have fear for everything. Everything is scary. Fear of failure, fear of the future, fear of death, fear of flying. Everything! Please help.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Fear is simply an emotion or a sensation in the body. There is no need to associate or attach it to different things.

When you start observing those patterns, those energies that happen in you, you will see that fear, love and hatred all happen in one region, and it is the same energy which manifests love, hatred or fear.

When you have some passion; if you are passionate about something, fear disappears. Fear appears when you don't have any specific passion in life. Isn't this the experience? Only when you have passion, or strongly hate something, then fear will disappear. Fear will disappear when you either have a strong hatred or strong love towards something. In the absence of either, a little lingering fear comes up. But, again, more hollow and empty meditations, pranayama, engaging in some seva activities; all this will help in eliminating that.

Q: If you have a child by mistake, and you are not married; growing and accepting the child and the mother, even though you do not love the mother and letting go of the love of your life because of a mistake; what does one do? Is this it?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Listen, move on. Move on! That is all I can say. Don't sit and brood over it, okay. Just move on. Life is much more. You have many roles to play.

First of all you are a beautiful citizen of this beautiful planet. Recognize that. You are part of a universal light, recognize that; and then you have all of the roles to play, as a mother, or a son, or a daughter or whatever.

You make a determination, ‘Nothing is going to put me down. I am going to play whatever role I am supposed to play 100%’. That is it; it will start happening that way.

Q: My mother passed away a year ago from cancer. I am doing my best, but how do I allow myself to feel free fully from this?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Time heals. Broaden your vision.

Q: How can I get purer? Even though I am doing Sadhana, Satsang and Seva, I do not feel very pure. When I see people who are arrogant, rude and proud, especially Art of Living people, I feel very sad. How do I get rid of this?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You are saying two things. One you are saying that others are arrogant, others are not okay; and the other thing you are saying is you are not okay. This is just mirroring; you are mirroring in both sides.

I would say if you feel that you are impure, pranayama and proper food will help. If you still feel that you are not okay then just go on a fruit and vegetable diet for a couple of days and just sing and chant. When you are sitting in satsang and singing how can you say that you are impure? There is no way. Don't you feel when you are sitting in satsang that how much ever impurity you might have felt in the mind, it all got lifted up?

How many of you feel that way? (Many raise their hands).

See!

‘Nahi Jnanena sadrusham pavitram iha vidyate. Tat swayam yoga samsiddhaha kalen atmani vindathi.’ – (Srimad Bhagavad Gita chapter 4, verse number 38) The old saying is – there is nothing better than knowledge which can purify your mind, your soul and your spirit. Knowledge purifies.

Sit and listen to Ashtavakra Gita for half an hour or 20 minutes; you will feel uplifted.

About your feeling that others are arrogant – it is good that these people have come to me, here, in The Art of Living. I feel happy about it and I have patience, you also keep patience. I patiently keep waiting. Out there in the world they would've created problems and so much trouble to so many. At least here they are in less difficulty, and they are giving you an exercise to practice the first principle - accept people as they are.

Also, I would like you to know that The Art of Living people are not a special species from somewhere, they are normal people in the world and they have all the traits of the people in the world. They are not different.

Yes, your expectations from The Art of Living people is more because you think they are soaked in knowledge, they are in love, they serve people. So your expectations are much higher because you see that they are very privileged. That is correct! But you start from yourself first, you are so privileged, you have the patience to accept everybody.

People ask me questions, ‘Why have you made such people teachers who are so arrogant, who are so angry’, and so on.

I tell them that I need all specimens and all species; all types of people. I carry them along and everybody is comfortable with me, and I am comfortable with everybody. I have patience to see them grow. That is how The Art of Living has grown.

If I was looking for perfection, I tell you, we won't be here today. We would not be sitting here today. I would be somewhere else and you would be somewhere else. We need to have patience.

It is like, in a school, you cannot expect all the kids to be in one class. And it is not that one class is superior to other class. It is not as if the nursery kids are superior to the primary kids. There is no superiority, it is just the way they are. It is just the time and pace they take to grow from one class to another, from one level to another. People keep growing, and we need to have patience. And I tell you, it tests your patience, and it is good.

If you are going around thinking about somebody feeling hateful, angry, revengeful and all that, it is your strong craving for some-thing, or aversion to something which is making you do this. You better get on to doing some seva.

Q: If I pray to you sincerely with utmost longing and all my heart, are you able to listen and answer my prayer even though I am miles and miles away from you physically.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You know, cell phones don't have miles.

When you can connect with people around the world with a little plastic box called cell phone by just pressing some buttons, why do you underestimate your brain, your heart and your feelings, which are many times more powerful than a plastic toy?

I tell you it happens, doesn't it?

A close friend somewhere, maybe in Japan or the West Coast has some feeling and you also feel that. They are happy and you are happy, they are upset and you are also upset, hasn't this happened to you?

How many of you here feel that it does happen to you, without any verbal communication? (Many raise their hands)

That is a level of communication that happens. It is a very subtle and ethereal level of communication. Yes, it is there. It is not as obvious as a cell phone, for some, but if you observe and look back you'll see.

Q: What exactly is meant by forgiveness? I am trying to forgive someone but I feel like I am not able to do it a 100%. I am wasting lots of time and energy on it, but I can't stop thinking about it. What should I do to truly forgive and move on?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Just forget the whole business of forgiving. I think you have too much free time. Come to the kitchen and wash the dishes there. If that is too light a seva, go up and down the stairs about ten times. When you are physically exhausted, your mind will stop thinking about that person also. If you are going around thinking about somebody feeling hateful, angry, revengeful and all that, it is your strong craving for something, or aversion to something which is making you do this. You better get on to doing some seva. I tell you, it will definitely help you.

Don't forgive, never mind. Go to the kitchen and take especially that vessel which has to be scrubbed very well; take a brush and keep scrubbing with all your force. If the floor is dirty somewhere, put some soap and think of that person, and put all your strength and wash the floor. That may be a very good way to let out your anger towards that person.

I don't think there are enough coconuts here, or I would tell you to take some coconuts and one by one break them. Break the coconuts and may be some relief might come to you. I’ll ask if there are any vessels in which the food got burnt, for you. Scrubbing the burnt vessels, that is a very good idea. If there are many people then cooks will have to allocate the vessels that way.

Q: I have been with my husband for seven years. For the last two years I have been having problems with his family. I hate his father. I try to avoid his family so that we have no problems, but his father has the ability to push my buttons. Sometimes I wish I can kill him. How to deal with the situation?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: I would like you to take two days off and go and do some service in a mental hospital. Just stay with mentally deranged persons for two days and do some work there. When you volunteer in a mental hospital, then you will know how to deal with crazy people. If they are crazy what will you do? You will handle them with patience. You don't go and slap them or strangle them, isn’t it?

I tell you this is a very good exercise, going to a mental asylum and doing seva for one or two days and if that is less then go for a whole week. It is good. Then you will know that there are similar people at home and everywhere. The world is full of mental people, some are in the asylums and some are outside, only they don't have the label. Then you will get enormous patience to deal with all of them.

For your own sake don’t do anything that would put you behind bars, okay! Sometimes when your own father or mother makes a harsh comment, you don't mind it. You have taken many harsh comments from your parents and it stays with you for one day and then it just blows away. But when the in-laws say even half of what your parents would've said that goes right inside and makes you very upset, isn't it? Now you have to reverse the role and think, suppose they were your own parents, how would you handle it? It would make a big difference.

Usually I say in the ashram to everyone that they should leave all of their botherations here and go home happily. One lady said, ‘Can I leave my mother-in-law here and go home happily?’ I said, ‘If your mother-in-law also says the same thing, I will have to have two cells, one for mothers-in-law and one for daughters-in-law.’

I asked her, ‘Hasn't your mother criticized you more than your mother-in-law?’ The lady thought and said, ‘You are correct. My mother is always on me. For every little thing she is finding fault with me.’

I said, ‘Why do you take it differently? When your mother is criticizing you, you don't take it so deep, but with your mother-in-law your attitude is different.’

Just when we throw some light on these facts, our attitude changes and then our circumstances also change.

Q: How can one be enthusiastic but dispassionate at the same time?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: That is the real skill.

When self-interest is not there then it is much easier. Like when you do seva, you are passionate as well as dispassionate, isn't it? So many of you are doing seva in kitchen, are you not doing it passionately?

(Response: Yes!)

At the same time it doesn't matter to you as well, right! There is passion and there is dispassion. The best thing is the seva here, the transport seva, the housing seva, the van running up and down, and putting the mattress till 12 o’clock at night.

I took a round nearly at midnight and I saw these boys and ladies taking the mattresses and making the beds, making sure everybody is comfortable. They were not doing it for recognition. They didn't do it because they were getting something out of it. They were not even thinking that they would get some big merit by doing it. It needed to be done and they just did it. There was passion and at the same time dispassion.

I said, ‘All of you go now and sleep. It will be done tomorrow.’

They went and slept happily and comfortably. This was with everybody. I am just giving you one example; it is the same with all the sevaks. There is passion and there is dispassion. Seva is the best example of having both together.

I need all types of people. I carry them along and everybody is comfortable with me, and I am comfortable with everybody. I have patience to see them grow. That is how The Art of Living has grown. People keep growing, and we need to have patience.

Q: Can a person have more than one Guru?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: One itself is very difficult to handle.

If you have been on some other path with some Guru, know that it is their blessings only that has brought you here today. So thank them. It is because of them only that you took one step and you came here.

Now if you ask me about technique, I would say we should not mix techniques. Like you are doing Kriya and then you start doing something else also, then it will all become a mess. So, you were doing one thing, you have finished that and now you are doing this. Now you should put your 100% and just do this.

Q: Guruji, I have everything but still I feel such emptiness in my life. Please guide, what should I be doing?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: That is good, it is the first step. First you empty everything and then you become full. Satsang and knowledge is the best filler to the emptiness.

Q: Dear Guruji, how do I know what is my purpose in life, what is my Dharma?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Seva, seva, seva. Our Dharma is to do whatever we can for all those around us. If you sit and think, ‘What about me, what about me’, all the time then this is the technique to get depressed.

If you come from the space of, ‘What can I do? How can I contribute? How can I be more useful?’ Then that opens many avenues and brings so much fulfillment in life.

Q: How to choose the right career?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You should see what your tendency is and what you want.

There is nothing called Job-Satisfaction. This word should be removed from the dictionary. Satisfaction comes only through service. Do you get it? Service is a different thing. But for your livelihood you should do some profession. Take any profession that suits you, that fits you, and in addition to that, do your social activities, spiritual activities, literary activities and your hobbies.

Often people try to make their hobbies as their profession, and their profession a hobby. That is when neither the profession sticks nor the hobby sticks. Music is your hobby; keep it as a hobby, yes!

What you are doing here is the perfect thing, i.e., becoming more hollow and empty, and the right thing will fall at the right time. Isn’t this happening? For how many is it happening? The right thing just comes at the right time, and everything goes smooth.

Q: There are few questions in the question basket about people who are emotionally dependent on other people. What to do?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Life is dependent on many factors. When we were born we were dependent. When we grow old we will be dependent, not independent. In between, in these few years, we think that we are very independent. That is an illusion. Even at that time we are dependent on so many people for so many things. So, if you see from this angle the whole life is a continuum of dependency.

On the other side, if you take a look at the spirit, not the body, just the spirit, the consciousness, it has been independent throughout. This is very subtle and may go above your head now. But just listen, and sometime later when you think about it again, you will see that we are both, a combination of dependency and independence – body and spirit.

While the spirit is independent the body is always dependent. Body is dependent on the environment for everything – clothing, water, electricity, education, you name it.

If you didn't have a proper school teacher you would never be where you are, isn’t it? So I would say, look at life from a very different and new angle.

Some people are emotionally dependent, some people are intellectually dependent, and some people are physically dependent. There are many different levels of dependency. Instead of focusing on the relative and changing aspect of life which is always dependent, put a little more focus on that aspect inside you which is independent, which is eternal and which is the same throughout. Are you getting what I am saying?

There is something within you which is continuous; the same all through. Put more attention there and you will find that life is becoming more powerful, more independent, more fulfilling and more satisfying. All these aspects, all that you aspire will continuously blossom. It will blossom without effort.

Q: I had an experience of oneness about five years ago. It lasted for about one full day.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Forget about experiences. Don't worry about it; you might have had it, so what? It has gone and what has gone is not real. What is real will never leave you and it has never left you, it is there even now.

We should not hanker for experiences. Experiences are also fleeting. They come and they go. Pleasant or unpleasant, good or bad, all experiences are fleeting, and the relative are always fleeting, they come and they go. You are not that! Focus on the person who has the experience. Who is experiencing now? And who experienced it then? Who is that who wants an experience now? That person is there even now, right now, and that is real!

The person who is craving for the experience is more important than the experience. One day experience of yours is worth nothing. Good it went off in one day. That which is not true comes for one day and it leaves. That which is the truth, is inside you and stays forever; and that is the experiencer. Got it?

Q: I get doubts in almost every aspect of life. My confidence gets low due to it. Please suggest what I can do to fix this problem.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: That is not my job. My job is to create more doubts. Doubts are like baking soda, it bakes you well, so get baked!

Once, I was in Sweden, I was in a Satsang and there was this journalist who came and stood in front of me and said, ‘Guruji, you always beat around the bush, you never answer questions directly. I am asking you a straight question now. You should answer me otherwise I am not going to leave you’.

I said, ‘Okay.’

‘Are you enlightened?’ He asked.

I looked at him, smiled, and said, ‘No.’ Why to take the headache of proving? When you say no, matter is finished. The conversation ends. Full stop! Nobody in the past could ever convince anybody, or even tried to convince anybody that they are enlightened. If somebody had said that, then they would run into problems, they might be crucified and put somewhere. So I simply said no, but he would not move.

He said, ‘You are simply kidding, tell me the truth.’

I said, ‘No’.

He said, ‘No, no. I don't agree, tell me the truth.’

I said, ‘It would make sense if I had said yes and you did not agree; but when I said no, how can you say that you don’t agree with me. That means something in your heart is telling you that there is something more. Listen to your own mind then, why are you asking me?’

So, one is the intellectual level, and the other is something else; the sixth sense tells you, ‘Oh yeah, this is the correct answer, this is the truth.’

We should not mix techniques. Like you are doing Kriya and then you start doing something else also, then it will all become a mess. Now you are doing Kriya, put your 100% and just do this.

Q: How do I bang on the door with such a force? I have been out and in and without a raincoat and shivering. Is TTC the next natural step?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Yes, do it. You know Pre-TTC is good; it brings a lot of energy and enthusiasm. Everybody should first do Pre-TTC. Whether you want to do Teachers Training or not, is the next step. But these two weekends of Pre-TTC is good, you learn a lot. Your potential, your skills, many things can come out.

After Pre-TTC you can decide whether you want to do TTC or not. The teacher will also tell you.

Q: Where do we come from? What is the purpose of life, and where do we go?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Great! My job is done. My job is to invoke these questions inside of you, not to give the answers. You have got these questions, now my job is done. Now your car can move. You have gas in the car.

Keep asking these questions; keep coming back and sit in these hollow and empty meditations, and to advance courses, it is great.

Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness

Q: Guruji, sometimes, dealing with kids gets so tricky that I tend to lose my patience. Everyday I decide to be calm, but when the situation arises I am not able to control myself. What should I do?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You can’t do anything about it now, you have to live life spontaneously. Do you see what I am saying? It is okay to sometimes lose your temper, never mind. You should leave a little room for imperfection in life, and start accepting.

What did you learn in the Part 1 Course? Accept people and situations as they are. It is a lifetime process. Every day you get reminded of this. When these situations come to you, you get reminded, ’Yes, I have to do this, this and this.’

So this is the direction in which we go. Sometimes you slip here and there, never mind, keep moving. Definitely one day, you will achieve perfection.

The other day, one teacher who has been in The Art of Living for around 20 years said to me, ‘Guruji, sometimes it feels so strange that I am happy all the time. Come what may I am happy’.

And I said, ‘Finally!’

20 years is not too much time, it is okay. But you don’t need to take 20 years. Turn back and see the growth in you; this is why these celebrations are done. What is the purpose of Guru Purnima? Once in a year, you turn back and see where you were and how much you have progressed. How you respond differently to situations now and how your reactions have reduced and responses have increased.

So, life is a continuous process. Isn’t it so?

How many of you feel that a lot of transformation has already happened? (Many raise their hands). No one can say that nothing has happened. No one can say, ‘I have not transformed. There is not an iota of change in me.’

If someone says that you should salute them because they are born enlightened.

Some kids are there to teach you a lot of lessons. And it is okay for mothers and fathers to sometimes get upset with their kids. You don’t have to bring them up with all rosy, rosy, nicey, nicey and sweet words all the time. Then you will make them very weak.

I have seen parents who have never scolded their children. These children when they grow old, they can’t stand any criticism. A little criticism, a little disrespect from someone or a little bit of failure rattles them. They become so upset because they never experienced anything like that at home.

So at home, being upset with kids sometimes (not all the time), is like giving them a vaccination so they get stronger to the world outside home. But don’t take this as an excuse to all the time get upset with the kids, it does not work. Too much of it is also bad. If you are scolding your children every day on a routine basis, they become so thick skinned and they go all the way to the other side, which is also not good. A little dose here and there is okay.

People who irritate you, in some way or the other can bring about the best in you. When everyone around you is wonderful, you don’t need any skill to handle a situation. It will only happen when there are people whom you think are unreasonable.

Q: How much importance should one give to astrology, particularly when choosing a partner?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: It is good; you can compare the charts to see how much you naturally match with each other and how much you have to compromise.

Usually in the Vedic astrology they say, ‘Out of 30 points, 20 matches and 10 you will have to compromise.’ So these calculations are there. It is good to know this, so if one of you gets upset you get reminded that you need compromise a little more; yes!

Of course, planets do have an influence, but don’t think it is one way. You too have an influence on the planets. It is two ways. In the universe it is all two ways.

So what you can do? You can do chanting. That is why it is said, ‘Om Namah Shivaya’ is a chant which controls all the planets. On top of all the planets is the Shiva principle. So correction is available there. The correction is Om Namah Shivaya because this chant has all the elements which can nullify any bad effect.

Do you know the reason why there is the number 108? How many of you don’t know what 108 signifies? 108 signifies the nine planets and 12 houses, the constellations. When nine planets move through 12 constellations, they make 108 different changes. So to nullify those changes or any unpleasant effect, we say Om Namah Shivaya.

So it is like a shield. It is considered a very auspicious mantra. Even the steps to this hall are 108 steps from the bottom. That means you transcend all planetary effects and rise to pure consciousness.

Sadhana, pranayama, meditation, satsang, chanting, singing, what is the point of doing all this if everything is being ruled by the planet? No, these are like the checks and balances. They will counter the effects and bring more independence; otherwise our consciousness is dependent on time and space. Also, sadhana brings freedom, to a great extent. I won’t say 100%, but yes, to a great extent.

It is like, when it is raining and you go out, you have a choice, either you go out and get drenched, or take a rain coat and not get drenched.

Q: If you are not sure of a decision, for example, getting married, should you just go with the flow and get married or wait until you are certain?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You should ask your partner with whom you want to get married.

There are some who are fickle minded, who need a push to do anything, including marriage. And there are others who face such situations once in a while. So I leave the choice to you.

And there are yet others, who would like to marry every time they see a beautiful girl or boy, and the moment it starts becoming a little more concrete, they have doubts whether they should or they should not, or if somebody else may be better.

Again, here I would say, take the opinion of your partner, whether they want to get married to you, to such a fickle minded person.

Do you know what my usual answer for all these questions are? Choice is yours, blessing is mine!

Q: I have a sincere desire to bring the Prison Smart Program to Miami, Florida. My degree is criminology and psychology. Our state has more money allocated to prisons, buildings and education. How can I help?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: That is good, go ahead. And when you go to meet the prison officials, don’t go alone. Go as a group of four to five and talk to them and convince them. Show them the videos and show them the experience of people who have undergone the program, and what transformation has occurred in their lives. I know, no sane person will say no when they see all these experiences. They are simply amazing and touches anyone’s heart.

Q: Death has no age. So when a person, young or old dies, is their soul of the same age?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Soul does not have an age, and you said it correct, nor does death.

Death does not have a time and soul does not have an age, correct! Everything starts from the beginning.

Q: How do I get clarity when things are very ambiguous?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: There is a proverb in Chinese which says - When you feel so confused, take a pillow and go to bed. When you wake up next morning, you will be much better.

You know it is our ambition; our over ambitiousness does not let us choose things.

I just received an interesting SMS from somebody. A devotee went to a very rich person’s home and they asked him, ‘What would you like to drink - coffee, tea, coke, hot chocolate, milk, ojasvita’, and the list went on.

Then the devotee said, ‘Okay, I’ll have tea.’

Then he said, ‘What tea would you like to have? Ceylon tea, Fruit tea, Darjeeling tea, Indian tea or Burmese tea’, they gave a choice of another ten teas.

He said, ‘Okay, Ceylon tea. ’ And then they said, ‘Do you want black tea, milk tea, cold tea, or tea with lemon in it. What type of tea?’ He said, ‘Milk tea.’

‘What type of milk do you want? Pasteurized, unpasteurized, whole milk, 2%, 2.5% or 10%?’

He said, ‘Oh my god! Let me have black tea.’

‘So then do you want sugar in it?’

He said, ‘Yes please.’

Then they said, ‘What sugar do you want? Crystal sugar, brown sugar or honey; what do you want?’

He said, ‘Oh! I am dying out of thirst!’

And then the person asked, ‘How do you want to die? Become a shareholder in our company or our supplier?’

So too many choices can make your head reel.

Q: Please comment on this. I see so many people who are very close to you. I feel that I am not special. How do I feel the personal connection with you? I feel it is necessary to have personal connection in order to be 100% on the path.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Certain things you should assume, and this is one of the things that you should assume – we have a personal connection; that is it, full stop. Now, don’t question it another time.

No point in questioning your connection. We are all connected. There is no choice. Neither do I have a choice, nor do you have a choice. So relax, put to rest this particular question if it bothers you. Don’t think some are close to me and some are not; someone is special and someone is not special. No, you are as special and everyone is unique.

Engage yourself in any of the project. The more you engage in some or the other project, the more we will have to interact. Otherwise what is there to interact? ‘Hello! How are you? Are you doing fine?’ And you will say, ‘Yes’, and I will say, ‘Yes’, and that is it, we part. But if you have something to do, like Sushant has done something on Twitter, so I said to Sushant, ‘Let us see, come and let us discuss. I want to learn what Twitter is.’

Sushant got an award, do you know about that? He was in Obama’s campaign and he did something with Twitter and was awarded for that, just two days back.

So when everyone was scratching their head, he came up with an innovative idea. He thought out of the box and the company honored him. The company Twitter honored him for thinking out-of-the-box.

So take a project like that. Take a project on whatever you like.

Now Meenakshi came up with a wonderful cookbook. Meenakshi and her team have come up with a cookbook. It is not a book actually but pages that cooks can keep in front of them and start cooking.

So it is a project and like that if everyone comes up with a project then there is something to sit and talk about. Otherwise in silence, in meditation, we are already connected, we are linked.

And anytime you need any help anywhere, when you ask, do you get it or not? How many of you get it? (Everyone raises their hands).

See, everyone gets it. So I am doing my job!

When someone comes and apologizes, it is our magnanimity to say, ‘Oh, okay never mind.’ I tell you our magnanimity is in forgiving. Not forgiving, doesn’t show or speak very good of you. You should give ample chances for one to correct them self.

Q: I have many erotic thoughts. Are they harmful?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Never mind, don’t worry; don’t identify yourself with the thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts, they come and go, don’t worry. As long as you don’t give them power, you don’t act on them, you are very safe.

It takes time for your consciousness to be so dispassionate and so centered that such thoughts don’t occur to your mind, and it doesn’t happen right away. I tell you, it takes its own time.

You might have noticed, as your sadhana improves, these sorts of thoughts are fewer and fewer, isn’t it? Erotic and violent thoughts are fewer and fewer.

Q: Thank you so much for blessing me to be here on this inauguration. It was so amazing. Each of the speakers touched my heart with their words.

I would like to thank my sister and parents who have been a combination of mediation, commitment and service. In the least of my imaginations did I ever see myself here, this moment!

I also want to thank my Art of Living teachers, brothers and sisters, who at different times have inspired me to stay on this path. My husband has been an amazing inspiration and my son as well, whom I consider my first Guru. He has made me a seeker. Thank you so very much for everything.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: That is good. This is what we need to recognize. Our company is something important. Our friends, our relatives can take us up and they can pull us down too.

You also have to see, anyone who tends to go towards negativity, you should try to pull them up. Get them out of the negative tendencies. It is very easy to succumb to negative emotions; blaming, complaining, world over this is so prevalent, isn’t? But it is the knowledge that is so precious. When we soak ourselves more and more in knowledge, we gain that strength to move up and pull everyone up.

Usually formal programs are very boring, half the people fall asleep or dose off. But today’s program was very good, everybody was alive. And another thing, don’t think the whole credit goes to the speakers; it depends on the audience as well. It is the audience that brings out the good things in a speaker as well. So, when you are all here, very conscious and aware people, when you are all sitting here with such a beautiful heart, beautiful intentions and big vision, the speaker can’t but speak appropriate things.

So it is always a combination of the speaker and the listener.

And the speaker, however good they are, if the audience is not receptive, the right words simply won’t flow. There will be a block.

Q: How do we deal with anger and hatred towards somebody whom we cannot avoid; especially when both are completely at different frequencies?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: First realize you are magnanimous. If you believe in your magnanimity and your inner beauty, it will become easier for you to handle all such situations. When you don’t look within, when you are simply focusing on the behavior of others, it will definitely rattle your mind. Then you try to correct the other person and you will be unsuccessful.

People who irritate you, in some way or the other can bring about the best in you. They can bring out the talents and skills in you. See, when everyone around you is wonderful you don’t need any skill to handle a situation. It will only happen when there are people whom you think are unreasonable. So it is an exercise, take it as an exercise as much as possible.

I know it is not an easy job. At least, you save your mind.

I have spoken a lot about this in the books Celebrating Silence and Celebrating Love, go over it.

The moment deep acceptance starts coming from within you will suddenly find the other person also changes. It is strange, but true. When we change, they also change.

Q: I do a lot for my family members and yet they are all always saying I am wrong. What should I do? How to deal with it?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: No, don’t say that they always say you are wrong. If they always say that you are wrong then it would not bother you or even touch you. You would take it as their nature. Sometimes they would have said that you did right as well. Isn’t that so?

If you can appreciate them when they say you are right, and when they appreciate you, you should also accept when they don’t appreciate what you are doing, and say that you say wrong.

You should find a middle path.

You know, often, we generalize and externalize the problem. ‘Oh, I am always wrong’, ‘Oh, I am always right’, ‘Oh, I am always like this’, ‘Everybody is bad.’ This sort of generalization and externalization of problems is very common. We should make an effort to step out of that and go beyond that. Just smile. If you feel that they are unreasonable in their comments and they are always criticizing you, just smile. Don’t be bothered about it at all. Educate and ignore, and walk your path.

What can you do? Every time you sit for meditation, someone comes and complains, ‘Why are you sitting and closing your eyes, it is useless, don’t do it’, never mind. When you wake up, smile, and sit again the next day and they will turn around.

Q: If love is our true nature then why does it feel so good to hurt someone when you have been hurt yourself? How do you stop yourself from retaliating against others?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Again, you should read Intimate Note to the Sincere Seeker. I have spoken in so many words on these issues.

Do you want the chain to continue? You hurt them, they hurt you and they retaliate. Do you like to be retaliated? I am asking you a question.

Unintentionally a mistake has happened through you. Suppose someone starts retaliating because you did something wrong. Whatever you said or did hurt them deeply, and you said sorry a hundred times. Still they want to retaliate and take revenge, what would be the state of your mind? How do you like it? Why don’t you get into the other person’s shoes and see for a minute? You wouldn’t want that. You would say, ‘No! I asked forgiveness. I asked to be pardoned.’

Just imagine if someone refuses to pardon you for small things which you did unintentionally or out of ignorance, would you like it? When you like to be forgiven, how come you don’t want to forgive?

And this, enjoying hurting others, is not the right thing. It is simply you wanting attention that is all. This you need to correct. This is our mind’s sickness. It is the sickness of our own mind being happy making someone miserable. What do you call it? Sadistic! Enjoying someone’s suffering makes you happy.

‘Look, you made me suffer and I make you suffer’, that type of joy is not for you, no! It appears to be a joy momentarily but it comes back to you a million times more, so don’t go for it. There are better ways of joy. When you forgive, see what big joy, what big comfort it brings to you.

When someone comes and apologizes, it is our magnanimity to say, ‘Oh, okay never mind.’ I tell you our magnanimity is in forgiving, and that is what we do.

But if they continue to do wrong, if they don’t respect your forgiveness, then take a stick. Then go, challenge them; go to court or whatever. But you should give ample chances for one to correct them self. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness; it should not be taken for granted. At the same time, not forgiving, doesn’t show or speak very good of you.

What do you think? Isn’t it?

Our company is something important. Our friends, our relatives can take us up and they can pull us down too. You also have to see, anyone who tends to go towards negativity, you should try to pull them up.

Q: How to cope with a troubled marriage, a marriage which has two kids? How to guide and give comfort to two young daughters who are caught in the middle of this marital issue?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You know when marriages break down you have to deal with the children’s psychology with care. Often parents pour all their grievances onto those young minds. They say bad things about their spouse so that the children remain closer to them. Don’t do that. Don’t say your father or your mother is very bad; this does not help in any way.

All that you should make them understand, both of you together is that, ‘We have chosen to go in our different roads but we both care for you.’ That is it.

It is a very delicate and very tricky situation, but it is a momentary one. You know this hard time will pass; you must know that. Just have patience and devotion. Your devotion, your meditation, your sadhana, all this will come to your help, okay?

Sometimes we will have to take the hard reality of life and not brood over it; and have a better vision. Also, give your children a bigger vision of the future. If you keep them engaged in something about the future they don’t go on chewing on the present bitter moment and take it too much to heart. So you should give them a vision of a better future, or talk to them about what they should do when they grow up, or what is needed for the country. As bigger challenges and bigger problems come in front of you, then the small individual personal bickering and issues lose their significance. That is the best way to handle this situation.

Q: What is the purpose of performing a long pooja as opposed to a short pooja.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Well, it is just like your daily meditations and your advance course with longer meditations. They all have their impact. Poojas don’t have to be too long, but these poojas are done for the masses. Not for one individual, but for the entire population.

Q: Why do we turn to the right side and not to the left side at the end of Kriya? I have asked this before, nobody gives an answer.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Oh, they are wise! They expect you to come for the Teacher’s Training Course (TTC), and Teacher’s Refresher Meet, that is where we discuss these things.

Those are the real secrets!